From the whistle blowers club, and I also want to say, the broken hearts club, I wanted to touch on that subject: following our heart and breaking past patterns, is most often more painful than not.
But let me tell you something else: the growth, light-heartedness and beauty awaiting you on the other side, is worth every second of it.
Let me explain:
Today is a day after a whole chain of them, which really, when you think of it, is just the continuation and achievement of my own life purpose, but it is a day where I had to say No to something possibly great. But really, it could have been great, though it was not for me.
I have always been one to ask Life for signs when I lost my parents’ and friends’ guidance. I was so lost, I had no other way but surrender and let myself be guided. Then, everything became a sign. But I was so confused that I interpreted things as signs, followed them, got hurt, stuck to it because I thought it was my purpose and got even more lost and confused, and alone.
What I have learned from that is that no matter what, we are the ones that can discern. And to do so, we have to be pretty confident in ourselves but more than anything else, love and respect our own self.
The past and its patterns are pretty strongly attached to our lives. If you have ever been in a toxic relationship, you will understand. The past and our self are so interrelated that the past depends on our self to be. It will attach to our thoughts so much that we will be blinded. That our perceptions will be distorted. It requires some time and practice to detach from our past and see it not as who we are but more as an experience that has taught us the lessons we need to know to move forward today.
So stepping away from our past and its habits requires confidence and self-love to say that we are better than that. That today, we love ourself so much that we are ready to take a different step than the comfortable, usual, known step we have always taken.
And I tell you, I hear you when you say “I am scared”. It is. It is terrifying, it is scary as heck, and it hurts.
I am a truth teller. I will not hide the possibly ugliness of following your heart. It may feel that you are breaking it yourself at times. I was terrified to do so. I never dared to until I had to. And it was ugly. I was rejected. Criticized. Many lessons were given to me. And I had nobody to turn to. I was alone. It was a pretty desperate time. But Life always does things beautifully. One day, I was called back. One day, I was apologized to. One day, I was thanked. One day, I was loved and admired for exactly what I did: following my heart. Leading the way. Stopping the pattern. Bringing Light.
So today, once more, my heart aches. I have a knot in my stomach. My jaw is clenched. And I am scared. Did I do the right thing? Did I let go of the chance of my Life? Am I being rejected? Criticized?
The answer may be Yes right now. But this past week, months and so far my whole Life has taught me that telling the truth is hard, breaking my own heart is tough but in fact, I am not. I am breaking the past patterns. I am listening to that whisper inside of me, I am following my heart, my intuition, my soul’s calling, what Life has in store for me. And tomorrow, the day after, next month, next year, once again, I will be called back, I will be apologized to, I will be thanked, I will be loved and admired for exactly what I did: following my heart. Leading the way. Stopping the pattern. Bringing Light.
My dear love, I hear your pain. I hear your fear. I hear your loneliness.
But you are not alone. I am here for you and will always be. You are a truth teller. You are a whistle blower. You know this world deserve way more than what we have. You are courageous enough to sometimes take that step that hurts for the greater good that comes after. You know that following your heart is the path. Even if that means stepping up against your family, leaving your job, maybe even your country, saying No to what would have been great but doesn’t serve you today. Putting yourself first in honor of your needs and dreams and showing the way for others to do the same.
My dear love, I am with you.
And with all my heart, I send you all the love you need to move past that, to believe in your Light, to trust Life. I will always be available to support you on your Path.
Marianne
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